


Newports

by Kai_2010



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:35:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_2010/pseuds/Kai_2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during the time Castiel was in the bunker in Season 11 while he was suffering from PTSD.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Newports

Castiel paced around his room for several minutes. He just got back from one of his exploration sessions around the bunker. He had finally figured out a way he could leave the building without having a panic attack. As a way to make his arrival to the bunker an official event, Dean let Castiel have his own parking spot in their garage. He even showed Castiel how to properly back out of the stall, turn the car around, and how to maneuver his "boat" in a way that successfully insured no damage to the vehicle or the bunker's structure.   
  
Castiel had since ignored the possibility of leaving the bunker without Sam or Dean there with him. He would sometimes pretend to leave while he was with Sam and Dean, but he soon found out the boys did not believe him. Castiel usually spent his days doing mundane tasks like watching constant Netflix, showering (he found that with his grace he could ward away any pruning or he could prevent the water from becoming cold), reading, exploring the bunker, and he would occasionally cook for his two friends. He still did not eat, mostly because it did not give him any feelings of happiness. 

Castiel found that he was better off if he didn't compare his situation and feelings with those of Sam or Dean's. Just because they did things a certain way, did not mean that he had to follow their path. Castiel knew that of all the humans in the world, the Winchesters would have a better idea of what Castiel was dealing with, but that fact did not give him any comfort. Currently, the two brothers were fairly normal. They were both human, both fragile but in a state where they could easily defend themselves from any force which threatened them. On the contrary, Castiel did not have that guarantee anymore. He hated that he was this fragile being now. He hated more things about himself and it caused him to feel constant shame. Surely his friends would not want to hear about his problems, surely he could manage his own burdens for once. 

 

The tired man ceased pacing and wandered over to his bed. He gracelessly laid down and sighed. Sam had taught him how to set up his own flat screen TV that had an "X-Box 360" connected to it. Castiel memorized the process and learned more about how his new possessions worked. There were a few times where he was not paying attention to his actions and he ended up breaking the TV or gaming console. Once he put the fires out, he felt a calm wash over him. He was reminded of his times reconstructing Dean and Sam's bodies after he rescued them from perdition. Castiel felt his face do a weird thing and he frowned. He got up out of the bed and made his way to the mirror he kept in the corner of his room. He willed his face do the same motion and he looked at his reflection and sighed.   
  
Smiling. He hadn't done that in a long time. Castiel looked at himself and smiled shyly. He shook his head and plopped down on his bed again. He booted up the TV and picked a random movie. Oftentimes, he would focus on the habits that humans portrayed in the programs that he watched. Humans are very interesting creatures and Castiel learns something new about them every time he watches something. Since he used to be a human, he sometimes pretends he is those characters. 

He focuses on the TV, he had chosen a Western, one called River Of No Return. He settled in and watched. His mind had wandered, he had thought about how different he would look with the main character's clothing and he thought about how cool it would be if he had a horse. He thought about how much fun it would be riding the horse in the hallways. He could feel the horse trotting beneath him, and then he suddenly heard a gasping scream. His mind suddenly cleared and he lost his balance and his body was falling to the floor. Castiel caught himself before he hit the ground and graced himself into a standing position. He took in his surroundings and heard the faint sound of a horse's hoofs hitting the concrete floor. He felt Dean's presence and turned around to face him. He took in Dean's appearance and quickly schooled his features. He was still on an emotion high, he could feel that his whole being was electrically charged. He had a small thought of the bunker's powergrid before the lights went out. A few seconds later, the backup generators kicked in.   
  
Castiel focused back to Dean and was amazed that he still looked shaken up. Castiel did not notice that he was glowing, a side-effect of his power. Dean swallowed a few times before trying to speak. "Fuck. What just happened?"

Castiel looked at him curiously and focused on the power grid around him. The normal lights turned on and appeared to be back to normal. Castiel did a quick inspection and made sure that all of the circuits and wiring were not damaged and working properly. "I assure you, the bunker is in working order."   
  
Dean nods and starts gesturing towards his eyes. "Uh, Cas, you're glowing, man. Not that I mind, but what the hell is up with you?"

Castiel soon had thoughts of a movie from the recent past, the name Nemo was significant. He smiled when he remembered the scene with the Angler Fish chasing the blue fish and the clown fish. His mind soon filled the gaps of his knowledge. He put his hands up in defense and shrugged. "I promise not to chase you around and eat you."   
  
Dean swallowed a few more times before he found his words again. "Uh, okay. So, can you explain why the fuck you were just riding a horse, in the fucking bunker?"   
  
Castiel backed up a bit, surprised by Dean's sudden anger. He thought back to the events that recently happened and felt the familiar sense of shame fill him. He looks down, notices what he's wearing and graces himself back his normal clothing. He looks back up at Dean, taking in his worried expression. He takes a few steps back and says the first thing that comes to mind. "I'm going to go find the horse. My apologies, it won't happen again." He graces himself to different hallway and sinks to the floor. His mind catches up with him and he feels more emotions come to the surface. He briefly wonders why he's feeling so much in such a short time, but he dispels those thoughts with the text from his research. He memorized the definitions, treatment, coping mechanisms, and medication suggestions from a page about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He notices that his vessel is breathing rapidly and has tear's in it's eyes. He graces his heartbeat to gradually lower and he wipes the tears with his sleeve. Castiel soon finds himself back in his bed, his thoughts far away.   
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This was written late at night. I'm usually wide awake and pounding the pavement at this hour, so this was a nice change of pace. All mistakes and inconsistencies are mine alone. I will continue this at a later time.


End file.
